So let us talk about relationships. Or at least my relationships with people.

I feel like this year is where a lot of relationships have developed and also a few that has started over. I’ve just came to realize that. Last year was a pretty rough year, and also the year before that where mainly my relationships with people were affected.

My relationship with my lover has developed this past year. He’s a patient fellow which makes things a whole lot easier. The experiences that we went through together has brought us closer than before. I’m really happy with him. We have our ups and downs like any couples, it doesn’t take us that long to finally make up and kiss On my part, I’m more of a pain in the ass than he is. Things get to me more than it gets to him. But I’m still here.

My relationship with my lover’s family is also developing. I’m pretty comfortable with them unless I have to meet new ones in great big packs. I always enjoy my time with them and I also feel welcomed by them.

There’s also one person I can’t forget. Whenever I need someone to talk to, I could always turn to this certain friend for advice. Since he’s older, he’s had experiences that I feel I could learn from. But he’s there to listen and to give honest judgments.  But he’s also an awesome person to hang out with. There’s not one boring moment whenever we hang out or talk.

I’ve recently started my friendship over with someone who I considered a sister. We’ve been through a lot but at one point, we thought it was the end. But script has flipped. Things were mentioned. Forgiveness wanted.  A friendship being mended. We want to gain each other’s trust and be at that point where we called each other sister.

There’s only a few people who knows what I’ve been through 2 years ago. I still haven’t fully recovered because things changed in a way I never wanted it to. I felt like I could never trust family again. Especially a certain uncle who I trusted so much and was closer to than any of my other relatives, only because I was at his house like almost every weekend before. Or him and the kids coming over. I thought I’d never want to talk to him again. But my mind changed. I don’t want to leave my doors closed, so here I am with an open heart. I’ve talked to him recently through Facebook. It started off as him adding me as his friend.. there’s a baby step, which tells me he hasn’t completely forgotten me. He left me a comment asking how I am, where am I starting school, and invited me to his Halloween party. And most importantly, asked how my parents are doing.  I recently had a conversation with him. We’re both taking little steps at a time…definitely starting over. I hope things will change to the way he and I want it..but it will take some time to get there. But as long as we get there.. that’s all that matters.

I hope this year, is a good year. So far it has been. . .

“Maybe you’re just too scared that someone might actually want to be with you…Because then you wouldn’t be able to hide behind your books, or your frickin’ telescope, or your faith. No, no, you know the real reason why you’re scared? It’s cause you wanna be with me too. ” - Langdon from A Walk to Remember

I remember that night. We’re laying down on the couch together. You were holding me in your arms where security and warmth surrounded me. You watched one of my favorite movies with me. One of the movies that I watch over and over again. And when we both heard those words come from Langdon’s mouth, you said to me “that sounds like a person I know.” I admit, I was scared. I was afraid of falling in love again, especially to someone I haven’t known for that long. You didn’t know me that well, my life, my history, what I wanted in life. All you knew of me was that girl who likes bowling, who is sweet, nice, and loves having fun. And I wonder why? Why me? And I thought it was too soon. I broke up with someone who I thought I’d be with for a long time. But I only found that he wasn’t for me. He couldn’t handle the way I was and it made me unhappy…

…But then I got to know you. We have common grounds which makes our evolving relationship easier. But there was more to it than common grounds. You’re a fun guy, a goof ball, a kid at heart (which I totally love), you have goals in life that you’re working to achieve, and patient. We were totally compatible, everyone saw it. We clicked like no other. It totally surprised me. Gradually my fear of being with someone disappeared because I fell in love with you.

So it’s been a year and a day, and I still get the tingles in my tummy when I get to see you.

Ok, so I haven’t blogged in over a month. I guess right now I just feel like venting. So the top most thing that is on my mind is family. Not mine, my lover’s. Could I tell you, he has a big ass family to the point where I tend to get overwhelmed when I meet them in packs. But I really admire his family because they are really close to where it amazes me. His aunt passed away last night, which breaks my heart because it’s another loss for this summer to him and his family. At times like this, I see his family come together in prayer with a strong heart.

In July his other aunt passed away, I went to her house everyday for a week after she passed away to prayer with his family. The first night I came home, I cried to my mom because I don’t know what it feels like to have family like that because they pretty much disowned us 2 years ago when my grandma died. I think that was the hardest death for me to go through because of what happened after her death. I haven’t fully moved on from it yet.

Family is suppose to be there for you, for you to count on in times of need. I see that in his, I want that in mine.

I’ve been getting more lazy updating. After work I don’t really like being on my laptop or a computer. I’d rather do other stuff like read or watch movies. Last night I finished reading Angels & Demons by Dan Brown. I really liked the book. It was actually hard to put the book down. Whenever I had the time I’d sit on my bed and just place myself in the story.

Before hitting the sack, I watched Down to You with Freddie Prinze Jr. (Alfred) & Julia Stiles (Imogen), which made me think about relationships. In the movie they meet in college, started going out, and ended up falling in love. They ended up growing apart but still remaining in a relationship until Imogen did one thing wrong that shattered what her and Alfred built between them.

I think that’s what I’m scared about when it comes to being in a relationship. Your first year is always your best. Getting to know each other, having the tingles and all that good stuff. I’ve been with Brock for 9 months. I still get the tingles every time he holds me, kisses me softly on the head or cheek (even if people are looking), when he grabs me and holds me close and whispers “I love you.” I don’t want that tingle to ever go away. I don’t want to grow apart and still be with him at the same time. I want to be close with him for as long as we’re meant to.

Any hoo.. I’ll be going to Las Vegas with my honey and his family for his sister’s 21st Birthday!

Ciao for now.