I’m fairly exhausted. This year’s holiday seems quite tiring to me, physically and mentally. All the late minute Christmas shopping and all the preparation. Christmas day I was so tired, I literally hibernated like a bear throughout the whole day.

But, Christmas this year was worth it. I love seeing people happy. I will say that I was happy. I was happy because I was surrounded by people who loved me very much, and that is all that I could ever ask for. Yet it was still a bit difficult. Unexpected things happen. And I got an unexpected call. A call that would change me in a way. But that call also affected my family, mainly my mother and aunt. The call brought them back to an unbearable event for them, and so, there was a bit chaos during the early hours of Christmas Day. So much tension. I just wanted to slip away. And I did, I remained on the other line talking to that person til 5AM. Now everything that happened during that event makes sense to me. I just hope that one day it will make sense to others. I sometimes wish people could be bit more understanding.

…On another note…I haven’t seen my boyfriend for a week now. I’ve been feeling a bit numb to the situation. I’m neither sad nor mad. To my surprise, I’ve been pulling through. All this time I’ve been thinking. About what I want, sacrifices I’m willing to take, the risk of my heart being shattered in the end, or just simply leaving . Throughout all of this thinking, I came to realize of what an independent person I am, how I don’t need him, how I only want him.

When you love someone, you believe that they are your whole world. I do love him. Don’t get me wrong. Or else I wouldn’t be here going through this “break” that he requested. But to me, he’s not my whole world. He’s only a piece of that world.

Let us see what the new year has in store for me. Whatever happens, I know there will always be a reason.

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