I’m really tired. I woke up early to go to Cerritos to my cousin’s place then to my first Laker Game. They played against the Denver Nuggets, with the final score being 95 - 89. They played a horrible first half, but stepped up the game in the second half, slowly. I was super excited that they won especially because they’ve been losing to the Nuggets.

Anyways, on the way home from the game, I decided to text my ex about his shit that’s here in my room. I don’t want to be mean and just throw it away or burn it. Out of courtesy I’m holding it for him. I asked him if he wants to meet up this week so we could exchange. He said no because he’s busy. Okie, I’m a busy person yet I know how to manage my time. So he said he’ll ask someone to pick it up or whatever. I really won’t go out of the way for this person, so this person has to accommodate my schedule.

I’m still contemplating if I should throw stuff he gave to me, like this Build a Bear Monkey named Bananas, this Precious Moments figurine with a boy holding a heart lollipop saying “Be Mine” on it. Even pictures of us from my friend’s baby shower, Horror nights, Vegas. My mind is telling me .. throw it away, while something else is telling me to hold on to it and put away. I mean why should I hold on to it. He doesn’t want to be friends. I texted him asking if there’s a possibility of us being friends again and he answered.. “probably not,” which goes against what he told me when we were together. If we broke up he would want to be friends still because he owes me. Sometimes guys don’t know what they are talking about.

This didn’t ruin my day. It actually gave me a bit of a laugh I wasn’t mad and definitely wasn’t sad when he told me this, which shows that I’m over it.

I have shit on my mind and I don’t where to begin.

Well for one thing I just finished my 3rd term with an A! I’m getting close to finishing this nursing program and I’m very excited.   It will be one of my biggest accomplishment in life so far. And when that happens, I really need to give myself a pat on my back for sticking to path and not deviating away from it and for not giving up when shit got really difficult. I’m starting to plan out what I should do when I get my license thanks to some of the nurses from my clinical site. They explained to me different routes I could take when I pass my boards. Thank God for them. I really think I’ll end up in Burbank by the end of this year working in this sub acute that is linked to a hospital. The hospital is key to my career goal… which is yet to be determined.

I’m going to go through so many changes this year, exciting changes Super excited could I tell you! Obviously one good change this is year is me being single. At the time I transitioned from being in a relationship to being single, I thought it wasn’t. But after really thinking about it, it was a good choice that I made. I have more time for myself. Go on a path of self realization. Help me figure out exactly what I want in life.  Concentrate more on myself and school (not like I don’t do that already, but still). It was just a beneficial choice for me.

Another one is that I’m getting my own car. Finally. Even tho I don’t work that much, I’m still able to shit out money. I’m just going to be tight on money but it’s worth it. So that means I’d have to sacrifice. I can’t do all those fun things that I’d like to. But I’ll have my chance to do that when I’m done with this program and pass my boards. People need to sacrifice once in a while. It’s my time to do that right now since so much was sacrificed for me.

All the other changes will happen when I’m making that money as a new nurse graduate. Like I said earlier, I’m so excited.

… Anyways there is more to my mind than this. I mentioned earlier in this post that being single is a good choice and change for me. At the same time I hate being single because it has it’s downsides for me and probably for a lot of people as well. I really don’t want to be a heartbreaker. I don’t want anyone falling for me, just not yet. I’m just too nice and I don’t want my “niceness” to be mistaken for anything else. I’m not ready to jump into anything because I still have “him” come and go in my mind. I really just want him out of my head for good (at least that’s what I want for right now). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not thinking about him in that sense because I want to get back.. more like those what if statements. I shouldn’t even think about it but it’s hard. You know? And it’s funny today is his birthday. I’m contemplating if I should even greet him happy birthday. But since I’m a nice girl from what people say.. I most likely will. Argh.

Even through all of this.. I’m still happy. I’m feeling better than I was before. I’m so glad that I’m back at this state. Just makes me appreciate everything thats around me.. so much more.

Mhmn bye bye

So, how do you find the words to say ( when it’s been so long )
To say goodbye (find the words to say good bye)(to say good bye)
When your heart don’t have the heart to say (mmmmmmmm yeah ohhhh yeah)
To say goodbye (find the words to say good bye)

It’s hard to believe what has been happening to me since my vacation ever started.

I’m starting to doubt that quote “love conquers all.” If love does, how come we couldn’t get things to work out? It’s been 3 days since I decided to put my foot down with you. I didn’t want to stand there waiting like a fool for you. It feels like im single but then again it doesn’t. It just doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel right to call you my ex-boyfriend right now. It ended in a way that it shouldn’t have.

Everyone is telling me to move on. I know. I eventually will. But I know I won’t forget about everything we had. I still want you to  figure out what you want. And if you need to talk, I’m here with an open mind.

I still love you. No doubt about that. But I’m not going to put my life on hold for you. I’m going to go on with my life.

The year is finally ending. I’m starting the New Year with a new beginning for myself.

I wish everyone a healthy happy wonderful New Year. Make the best of it.